Dating and Marriage
Hi friends. Just because Valentine's Day is over doesn't mean that we can stop showing love to our spouse, so I'm continuing my blog series this week with the 5th chapter of my book- If I'm Being Honest.
In this chapter, I discuss the importance of dating your spouse and spending time ALONE. I would love to hear how you and your spouse get creative and carve out time for each other.
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Ok we all remember how much fun it was when we first started dating our spouse. We were nervous and excited all at the same time. We changed outfits ten times and always made sure to shave our legs. We checked our phones constantly to see if they had called, and got happy chills when they did. So what happened? Somewhere after the I-do’s all of that changed. When you add kids, jobs, church, and everyday life into your happy little fairytale, it all just gets shaken together. Your dates now consists of a small peck on the cheek before bed, maybe a cup of coffee in the morning before work. Romance gets replaced with duty. And sometimes we women feel as if we are merely babysitters and housekeepers as well as full time employees. After children we no longer even have a name we are simply, Mommy. Our womanhood gets lost in translation. And we begin to lose our own identity. This is an epidemic of the worst kind. Mainly because it’s silent. Women are losing themselves all over the world.
Because I stay home with my children, I… N-E-V-E-R… get a break. Many of you know exactly what I’m talking about. Others work hard all day and come home to homework, housework, and hungry families. Being a wife and mother is hard work! We long for the days when we got to be the center of the world to our spouses, and then feel guilt at the thought because we love our children so deeply.
I want you to read this chapter with your spouse because they need to be aware of their role as your knight in shining armor. They have big shoes to fill, after all, they are supposed to love you and care for you just like Jesus loves his church. Repeatedly the Bible calls the church, the bride of Christ. He gave up his very life, all of his wants and desires, for you and me. God created the union of marriage and gave each of us specific roles. You husbands are to cherish your wives, admire them and adore them. You wives are to honor and respect your husbands.
Don’t allow the devil to deceive you. Even if your spouse is acting a fool you still have to do your part. Honestly just as I finished that last paragraph, my husband came home from work acting all moody and being a jerk. Ha-ha, that is just like the devil. I’m writing about how sweet our husbands are supposed to be and mine comes in, interrupting my writing, being a big jerk face. I even saved my progress and shut down this book, deciding I should not write angry. After a few minutes, we made up and I opened back up to this page. You see, life is never going to be perfect. We have to learn to work out our problems. When he left I even got a kiss, with tongue!
Let’s get back on track, dating; this is the fourth area we need to keep guarded. It is absolutely vital to your union that you spend time A-L-O-N-E. And I mean longer than the cup of coffee before work. It is in those intimate times that we get to be fifteen again waiting on our crush to pick us up, dreaming of the day they finally kiss us. You know all of you did it. When we stop dating our spouse it affects other areas; communication, sex….. Dates are opportunities to fall in love with our spouses all over again. We get to remember why we are together in the first place. We have sex and talk and have sex some more. These moments are what keep affairs far away from your house. When you are being fulfilled physically and emotionally, you are not looking for anything else. But when you are barren, dried up, and desperate for emotional connections that is when your entire being cries out for it and affairs are just around the corner.
Before we finally separated, my body actually ached with loneliness. I was so hungry for an emotional connection that it was easy for the other man to slip in. Desperate people make rash decisions. An otherwise upright mother might kill to protect her child. A jobless person might steal to feed their family. When we are desperate we become dangerous.
I realize that not everyone has enough money to date extravagantly but a simple night at home will suffice. Don’t allow excuses to stop you from dating your spouse. With sites like Pinterest, no one has an excuse, not even you men, for not being romantic. Steal someone else’s ideas if you have to. I promise your wife will never forget the times you go out of your way to please her. The best dates are those that are premeditated. The ones that you actually thought about and prepared for.
For a time, my husband and I lived in Oklahoma while he attended school. We had no friends and no family. That meant no babysitter. I knew many couples that were in our same shoes. Kids can be a major hindrance to one's dating life. We have to, on purpose, set aside times for us to be alone. Even if that means putting them to bed early. Your marriage depends on it. Yes you are parents but you must first be husband and wife. That means setting aside times to be alone where you are no longer, Mommy and Daddy but Sue and Bill.
Affairs fill and emptiness inside of those that partake of them. My husband and I never dated. We put no special emphasis on our relationship as husband and wife. To be honest, although we are much better at it than before, we still struggle to find the time to be alone. Life is so busy it is easy to get caught up in the flow and not realize what you have let slip. I have to remind myself when we get too busy that we must stop and spend some time alone. Now when I feel myself beginning to get lonely, I run to my husband. I don’t turn away from him but run toward him. I don’t need to look beyond my own four walls for satisfaction. God put everything I needed to be fulfilled inside my husband. He is the one I must turn to.
I am much needier than my husband. He is ok with hanging out for thirty minutes before bed and a quickie a few times a week. His focus is on God, work, money and providing for the family. Because he is satisfied with so little, there are times he forgets that I need much more out of the relationship. That is where compromise comes in. That is where you men have to get creative. All it takes for most of you to get aroused is a shot of boobies in your face. We ladies are not so easily tuned up. Don’t get me wrong, remember I am a self-diagnosed nymphomaniac. It doesn’t take much to get me worked up at all. I just want more, more, more. I want to feel beautiful and adored by my husband. I want him to go out of his way to tell me he loves me. I want to catch him staring at me from across the room.
A date starts the moment you wake up. Not the actual act of sex, but the idea should begin to manifest as soon as your eyes open. I want my spouse to think of me all day while he is at work. I want his mind to picture me hot and ready, waiting for him to come home. It is my job to help keep the fire burning, not just his. If we fill our spouse with anticipation they will be thrilled to come home to us. If they are filled with dread, that opens up the door to an affair. If we don’t make the time they spend alone with us special, someone else will be able to creep in.
Remember this again, happy couples don’t have affairs. Couples that make an effort to continue dating don’t have affairs. So my advice to you is to get busy planning your next date. I hope you enjoy and happy reading.