Expectation- The Relationship Killer
I hope everyone has had a great week! I've been thinking a lot about expectation lately and how it affects all of my relationships. For me, this is an area that I need some major work on. You see, it's not that I have high expectations- well maybe I do! Actually, I know I do. At least, from everyone else. I'm not saying it's wrong to have high expectations of your children, your marriage, your career, ect... But it's when those expectations aren't met that we have a problem. We tend to become disappointed, am I right?
When I was a kid and sometimes even now, I would always get depressed around the holidays- Christmas, Valentines, my birthday....This was/is for no other reason than the expectation that I placed on such special days. I always had a feeling of disappointment if things didn't turn out like I wanted. I know that sound terrible. It's not something I did on purpose it just happened. It's kind of like when a new movie comes out and you can't wait to watch it--everyone is saying it's amazing--but when you see it, it's only OK. So you go away feeling let down a little.
As I've grown older and wiser, I tend to appreciate life more and have learned to chill out a little in most areas. My marriage is still one I'm working on. You see, I cut my teeth on movies like Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, and The Little Mermaid. Fairy Tales are like a right of passage for little girls and then we grow up watching movies like The Notebook which leaves our poor men with BIG shoes to fill!! I mean come on who didn't dream of #ryangosling after that movie? -We want Prince Charming to sweep us off our feet and tell us that we are wonderful. We want to fall in love passionately and have relationships that make us yearn for more. But what we are usually left with is a man child that works all the time and doesn't even know how to spell the word romance. Your husband probably grew up watching stuff like He-man and G.I. Joe or some old Western that was all guns and fighting. They didn't design their wedding and pick out names for the future children when they were twelve!! They usually need to be taught how to be romantic, because it's not something that comes naturally for them. Therefore we as wives need to learn how to be patient and understanding with them.
Men and women are basically from different planets when it comes to what they expect out of marriage. Women want passion, protection, and security while men want sex, respect, and more sex. Ok, ok...they do want some love too, but you get my point. We are different people with different needs. As is with my husband. If I'm black he's white, if I'm cold he's hot, ect...
Here's a hypothetical example of an expectation gone wrong....
It's my birthday. I envision a surprise party being planned by my husband and drop hints over the month of the gift that I'm hoping he buys and wait patiently for the big day. When the day comes I come home to a clean house and dinner cooked. A card sits on the table beside a vase full of fresh flowers. Although he's obviously put some thought into my birthday, it's not what I wanted so I feel let down and disappointed.
I know it sounds childish, but we've all been in similar situations before. We want them to do this and they do that. Many of us live in a state of disappointment with our spouses. They can never do anything quite well enough to please us or we can't do enough to please them.
Philippians (4:19)- ESV- And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
We have to come to a place of maturity where we no longer look to our spouses to meet all of our needs and turn our attention to the only one who can- Jesus. You see, no man or woman will ever be able to get it right all the time. You will never get it right all the time. It's when we find our source of joy and contentment in the one who made us that we can truly be satisfied. Our only expectation should be in him! Let's give ourselves and our spouses a break and trust that every need will be supplied through him.
When God joined you together- everything you needed to be your husbands wife was put into you and vice versa. You can be the wife he always wanted and he can be the husband you always dreamed of if you will put your trust in him and know that ultimately He is the only one that completely satisfies.
Thanks for reading- until next week,