SHOULD YOU WATCH PORN

Real Talk About Real Life Issues

Hi friends! So, I didn't get around to writing last week because I was out of town. But I hope all of you had a great week. I know I did! I'm switching gears a little this week again. So, I ran a test ad on Facebook last week targeted at a specific group of people, and I was shocked by the results. The ad was for my post, The Big O, that I published a few weeks ago. If you missed it, click on the link if you'd like to read. Anyway, the post was geared toward women- explaining why you should not fake your orgasms. Funny enough, 99.9% of the interaction and link clicks was from men! Hopefully that means that men are actually interested in finding out more about the intricate design and needs of women. Either that or y'all men are just curious about anything concerning sex which brings me to my next topic-PORN.

Porn is a heavy, taboo topic that is rarely discussed within the church, yet studies show that nearly 68% of Christian men indulge in it. --Including some pastors. Honestly, this should not shock you with the way technology is today and the sexualization of everything from cars to hamburger commercials. Years ago, in order to watch porn you would have to go into the back room in the video store- rent a VHS, and risk being seen by someone. Nowadays porn is only a click away- easily accessed by whomever wishes to partake in it. Our phones come to bed with us, go to work with us and even go to the bathroom with us. For a man, or women that struggles with purity, this can be detrimental to their success. While the percentage of women that watch porn is significantly smaller than men, there is still a number of women who struggle in this area too.

Sex is, as I've said before, a gift from God and studies have shown that during intercourse your brain actually releases neurochemicals which create an emotional bond between both partners. When someone watches porn these same chemicals are released causing them to "bond" with the perverse images that they see. You can imagine how that could negatively affect one's view of sex. Most porn is not only graphic in nature but some are down right violent--and all off it is degrading to both men and women.

So, how then has something so "dirty" taken hold of so many Christians? That's easy- we are all human and even though we've been born again and washed clean by the blood of Jesus our physical nature needs to be renewed daily.. And if we want to get technical about it- God created us to have sexual desires. But what He intended was for those desires to be contained within the marriage relationship. Now y'all know that junk is not always easy! Let's see what the Bible has to say--

Matthew- (5:27-29) MSG- "You know the next commandment pretty well, too: 'Don't go to bed with another's spouse.' But don't think you've preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those leering looks you think nobody notices- they also corrupt. "Let's not pretend this is easier than it really is. If you want to live a morally pure life, here's what you have to do: You have to blind your right eye the moment you catch it in a lustful leer. You have to choose to live one-eyed or else be dumped on a moral trash pile.

Other translations say it like this--Anyone that looks at a woman/man lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Ummm...do what? Every time I read this I'm like.."Who then can be saved?" "Help me Jesus!" Seriously, because I just watched a movie this week with Gerard Butler and I'm pretty sure I lusted just a little bit!! As a matter of fact, every movie I've seen of him gets me to crushing. But wait--is that really what this verse is talking about? Absolutely not. No one could survive!! Just finding beauty in the opposite sex doesn't count for sexual sin. If that was the case, we'd all have to walk around literally blind, because God has created some beautiful people. It's when we take it a step further that we create what God calls lust.

I love how the Message translations says, Let's not pretend that this is easier than it really is.

That stuff goes on to say we need to pluck our eyes out!! That's some crazy advice!! But I think what is trying to say is that we don't need to play around with temptation. It's hard to keep our minds out of the gutter sometimes. And porn is where most people land when they allow their eyes to linger longer than they should. Just because I find Gerard Butler sexy doesn't mean I'm lusting after him. Now, if I pulled up pics of him and masturbated to them that would be a different story. You see the difference?

People who watch porn repeatedly actually physically change the structure of their brains, creating a habit or addiction. Dr. Caroline Leaf does an amazing study on how repetitive behavior actually creates trails or ruts in your brain. This is why so many Christian men/women are dealing with porn addictions long after they are born again. Old habits die hard. In one of her books, Caroline Leaf actually teaches you how to retrain your brain. Any habit or addiction can be overcome.

Porn addiction is no different than any other addiction and can't be cured by simply having more sex. Anyone with a hyper sex drive can relate to that fact. For me, the more sex I have, the more I want it- the more I think about it. The same goes with watching porn. A lot of well meaning people that have never struggled with porn addiction *(including spouses of those addicted) don't understand the "why" behind it. Although there is no single answer, one thing is for sure, it is damaging to relationships in all of its forms. Whether you only look at porn occasionally or are daily indulging, it is causing division, unfulfilled desire, and unrealistic expectations in your marriage. Let's stop exchanging genuine connections for perverse counterparts.

The cool thing about God is that there is no condemnation in Him. If you are reading this and recognize your need to change, just tell Him your struggle- He already knows anyway. And guess what... He's willing to help you through any area you can't handle on your own. I'm not saying it's easy- because it's not! It takes daily dying to self and choosing to honor God by honoring your body. There are many different steps you can take to beat this addiction but my favorite is getting an accountability partner. Find someone that you can trust to be completely honest with. There are also great tools to use on your computer that block porn sites. Whatever way you choose to go about it, the only true way to beat any addiction is if God is at the center of it, and with Him- all things are possible. I hope this finds you well. Until next time...

SINCERELY JAMIE

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