Sex and Marriage
Last week I started my, "month of love" posts, using topics from my book, If I'm Being Honest, where we discussed communication. And how important it is for your marriage to stay fresh and free from affairs. If you missed it, stop by the blog and check it out.
As promised, this week I will discuss "sex" in the marriage relationship. I believe this is the 2nd most important area you must guard. Sex was meant for the marriage relationship alone, and is a gift from God for us to enjoy.
I have decided for this topic that I would post the entire chapter on sex from my book. It is a brief look into the mind of an "ex-adulterer" and how easily we can be deceived even as christians.
Confessions of a Self-diagnosed Nymphomaniac
Sex, sex, sex….Let’s talk about it. If this word makes you uncomfortable I want you to go read the book of Song of Solomon. It’s steamy and sexy, it’s beautiful, and it’s in the Bible. This is the second area you must guard. I’m talking about major stonewalling of anything and everything that threatens this area of your #marriage. I don’t care what it takes. Keep yourself pure and your spouse satisfied. I know in today’s society that seems all but impossible. Everywhere you turn you are bombarded with explicit sexual images that demand your attention. Yours and your spouse’s #purity is being tested daily simply by turning on the T.V. We carry porn in our pockets and have access to anything our hearts lust for at the touch of a finger. I thank God we did not have smart phones when I was in high school.
The Bible is filled with scriptures about sex.
1 Corinthians 7:5 (NLT) says: Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Y’all that’s pretty plain. If you aren’t meeting your spouse’s sexual needs they will be tempted by Satan, and you are not exempt. You must make sure your needs are being met as well and let me tell you honey, it is so much better when they are. My husband is a sex dream, he’s a tiger. His chicken is finger lickin' good, if you know what I mean. I am so thankful to God for restoring this part of our relationship because I can’t imagine it getting any better than this.
The world is screaming at you, if it feels good do it. Well, God is saying the same thing except He wants you to do it with your spouse. As a matter of fact, He is telling you to keep doing, never stop doing it, unless you both agree to take a break and that’s to pray y’all. Why you might ask? Because if you don’t, you give the devil an advantage. He gains access into your bedroom thoughts, your private thoughts. Many of you are like me, always horny, but if that’s not you, I can bet that your spouse is. For those of us self-diagnosed nymphomaniacs, we think about sex many, many, many times a day. That can be really hard if your physical needs haven’t been met in a while. God even knew it would be hard. That’s why he put that verse in the Bible, just for me. Now this does not give you a green light to go on and do whatever you please. You must practice self-control. I mean get it together people. Let’s get back to my story.
My husband loves to sleep, or so it appears. Actually he hates that he is no good after about 9 p.m., but he just can’t help it. Believe me, I have tried EVERYTHING!!! It starts off slow, but once his eyes turn their nice shade of sleepy red, I know he no longer hears anything I say. Me, I’m a night owl. I want to wait for the kids to go to sleep so we can start rocking the sheets. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen because as soon as his head hits the pillow he is out. Man down, man down. I have actually been in a conversation with him and look over and he has passed out y’all.
Before we separated, this was a big deal to me. I’m talking major upset with tears and the whole bit. My perception was that he was uninterested in me. Now I know he was up at dark and worked hard all day and is legitimately and understandably sleepy. But every time this happened, I convinced myself that he was not attracted to me and didn’t want to have #sex with me. I began to believe I was ugly and turned from and extrovert into a shivering, scared, sad excuse of a woman. I locked myself in the bathroom and no longer allowed him to see me naked. If you knew me before, this would shock you. Before I met Jesus, I was the girl flashing people at Mardi Gras. I was never ashamed or embarrassed of my body. It was how I was raised. My momma should have been a hippie, the woman never wears a bra to this day. Now, all you #Jesus girls don’t stop reading. I no longer expose the goodies. They are for my baby’s eyes only. Some of you should take heed to that advice as well. Quit showing off all your candy.
Anyhow, I was pitiful. I was depressed. I was embarrassed. I was all alone. We weren’t #communicating. We were just passing each other by. We became more like roommates than lovers and the devil was having a heyday. I began to associate sex with love. If we didn’t have sex I believed he didn’t love me. I wanted to be needed. I was desperate for attention and affection. Two very dangerous places to be. Just a reminder, affairs don’t start over night. This took place over a seven year period. If you notice yourself craving attention or affection, run to your spouse, tell them how your feeling. Do whatever you can to get your mind healthy. Depressed people make wrong decisions.
Before long, an old friend came into the picture and began telling me how great I was. How perfect I was, and how desperately he needed me. To this man I was perfect all the way down to my pinkie toes. The devil knows exactly when to kick you and what to kick you with. He is cunning and plays off of your weaknesses. He knew I was desperate to be needed, he knew exactly what to do. Again, affairs don’t just happen. I didn’t automatically turn into jelly and leave my husband. Remember I was a Jesus girl, but a seed was planted. Just a simple thought, “Somebody wants me, somebody needs me.” It was that seed that eventually led to me walking out of my house one very sad night. This is not something I am proud of, obviously. That decision almost ruined my life and my family’s lives. It was selfish and it all started seven years before when I allowed the thought into my mind that my husband didn’t love me, and I wasn’t enough for him.
Now I don’t enjoy writing this and telling y’all all my business, but I want you to learn from my mistakes. If you get nothing else from this book except to communicate and to have lots of sex, I promise your marriage will improve tenfold. And don’t allow the devil to steal your joy. If you are like me and have already fallen scheme to the devil, take back your marriage. Ask God to #forgive you and ask your spouse to forgive you. One thing we did was take books like this one, and we read them together. We talked about all the hard stuff that we hadn’t been brave enough to before. Most importantly we prayed. We recommitted our marriage before God and He has done amazing things in both of our hearts and minds. If He will do it for a southern girl who used to flash all her goodies, I promise He will do the same for you.
I hope this helps. God is a restorer of broken things and I believe he longs to restore every part of our lives even our sexual relationship with our spouse.
Happy reading-- until next week