Marriage Wars- Surviving Life After I-Do
In honor of Valentines Day, I have decided to do a series of blog post from my book on marriage, If I'm Being Honest-Why I Had an Affair and How to Stop it From Happening to You
I will take each chapter topic and briefly discuss it. This book has been, by far, my hardest to write, but I have received such an enormous amount of support that it has made it all worth it. I can't help but be humbled by the fact that God would take my mess- my sin and use it to help others.
Many of you have reached out to me privately and, at first, it shook me up a bit. I couldn't believe that SO many of you were struggling with some of the same things that I disclose about my #marriage in the book. #Affairs are a taboo topic that many christians refrain from talking about, much less from the viewpoint of the offender. Therefore not many books are written.
Before our seperation, I desperately looked for a book that I could relate to. Only to find more "rules" that I had obviously already broken. Not to belittle any books because all of them had great information and Godly instruction, but at the time, I needed something a little more down to earth. Like I mention in my book, Jesus taught in parables so the people could relate. That is what I tried to do. Offer simple advice that will keep your marriage strong and hopefully keep it free from affairs.
In my book, I highlight five topics that are necessary for keeping any marriage alive and free from intruders. Today I will discuss the first one, and that is *COMMUNICATION*
It is the bread and butter of any relationship. If you are not doing it, you can bet that trouble is already brewing. When we first fall in love, this is as simple as breathing, but soon we are bombarded with dirty dishes, dirty diapers, and a lot of hard work.
Before you are married, no matter how much you are warned, nothing can prepare you for the lifetime of work that you unknowingly signed up for. It's no longer #communicating where you want to eat or which house you want to buy. Those can be met by an easy compromise. It is trusting another person with your entire life enough to be honest with them about your wants and desires.
Honestly, the hardest part about communication is when you stop doing it. It's when you don't communicate to your spouse your true feelings that you end up resentful and dissatisfied. That is when you open yourselves up to the possibility of an affair. If you become dissatisfied with your spouse and don't feel you are being understood, you will find someone who does. This may be completely innocent at first. Maybe a friend or colleague that you connect with. But soon, if you're not careful you will have found someone to meet your need, someone who is not your spouse. Also, when we don't allow our spouses to open themselves up to us, we leave them vulnerable. Happy couples don't have affairs. Most affairs start off disguised as friendships and don't appear to be harmful at first. They are cunning and deceptive.
We must guard this part of our marriage. If you feel like you've let this slip I encourage you to get together with your spouse and start talking again. Start dreaming about the future. Find the friendship that you once shared and make a commitment to never discuss your relationship with the opposite sex. Especially those whom you are sexually attracted to. Your marriage is worth fighting for!
If you would like to read my personal experience in this area you can download a copy of, If I'm Being Honest, on Amazon today!
Good luck and happy reading!
I'll be back next time with topic #2, SEX....